Saturday, February 25, 2006

Ten Commandments for Riding the Bus

Thou shalt not bitch about the A/C when it is actually working. This is the Bay Area, bring a damn jacket just in case.

2. Thou shalt not vomit, urinate or otherwise foul the bus.

3. Thou shalt not loudly converse with fellow passengers, friends on cell phones, or thy driver. Profanity shalt be saved for private transit.

4. Thou shalt not curse thy driver when thou hast left thine abode too late to get to work on time. Buses runneth late due to traffic accidents and passenger delays, thine driver doth dislike being late as much as thou.

5. Thou shalt sit quickly upon boarding the bus, as every delay hath the potential to cause lateness. If ye needeth the lift, use it rather than hobbling slowly up the steps.

6. If thine driver is unfamiliar with the location ye seek, thou shalt not persist in asking for directions. Check with another driver or call the office. Arguing only causes lateness and ye receive faulty information.

7. Thou shalt not delay thy fellow passengers by slowly boarding, stalling while thine friends shuffle toward the stop, or any other tactic.

8. Thou shalt not giveth thy driver grief. Remember, ye are the one paying for a ride. I’m friendly, but not a goodwill ambassador. My job is to get you safely to your stop.

9. Thou shalt not ring the bell 10 feet in front of thy desired stop, nor 3 stops early.

10. Thou shalt not rummage around for bus passes or money in the doors. Ye know the bus is coming, be ready.

Bonus!!! 11th Commandment:

Thou shalt not spray perfume, deodorant, hairspray or any other noxious substance while riding the bus. While we're at it, if I can smell thy cologne from the back of the bus, thee use WAY too much. Ugh. Try bathing instead.


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